What’s Left Of my Last Chapter.

What’s left of my last chapter ? Not much of my belongings  as you can see.  Just what I could grab in one hour.  Which wasn’t very much with no help,  one car, and hardly enough gas to make one round trip.  So many memories  were lost in the “war zone”.  I say “war zone” because that’s  what my once decent  looking townhome my husband and I shared looked like when the property management worker escorted  me in.  So now what?  Where the fuck do I go from here?  What the fuck am I going to do?  My mind was racing I couldn’t believe this was it,  a bittersweet  moment  to be honest.  Sad because of the memories  lost and my children’s lives forever changed . Sweet because it’s over , time to turn the page and move on to the next chapter.A New beginning!

Quite honestly  looking at that mess trying to figure out a good place to start,  all I wanted to do was hide in a corner and just cry my eyes out. It’s hard,  all of this is just so hard! It’s nice if I get a day with no tears ,but that doesn’t  happen much lately.  But I keep going. I have three huge reasons to do so. MY KIDS!  They need me.  They deserve to be taken care of well.  I guarantee  you I will do all I can to make sure that happens.  I will work my ass off for them, for those beautiful humans I brought into this world.  We will rebuild  our lives,  our home,  and our souls the four of us together!  

I can’t even imagine  how traumatic all this is for them.  I often wonder  what’s going through their little minds?  I feel like they hate me, and it’s hard to feel like that when I love those little monsters more than anything  in this world. I ripped there family apart, and i don’t think they fully understand  why.  They know mommy is calmer and I’m sure they like not living  around constant  arguing. I really hope one day they will see why I had to go,  why leaving was  MY best option.  I hope they realize the only person who can give them a happy mommy is there mommy herself,  and this mommys gonna be happy she won’t stop tell she is!  I hope once I get on my feet I be able to provide  a good life for them a life they  deserve for the rest of their childhood. I just don’t want them to hate me for making this decision!

All I really  lost though was possessions,  all things that can be replaced in time.  I got most of the pictures and personal  things.  Hoping I find myself a decent  job ASAP.  Then I can get us our own place and start replacing  the things that we’re lost.  The best part about that will be I will have worked for it all earned everything  in my house. No one can ever say to me without me you wouldn’t  have that.  

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