Well i haven’t posted in so long. So much is going on in my life its kinda really overwhelming for me right now. New jobs , some same worries and several new ones. I don’t know how im going to get past this low point my life is in at the moment.
I met a couple fantastic guys after submitting an application online. There company is Hand Up Ride. They do a fast least program for people driving with rideshare companies. After meeting with them and them hearing my situation they decided to help me out and get me into a car. While waiting for my background check to drive for Uber they helped me sign up to work with door dash in the mean time. Door dash wasn’t very good pay but easy work, and helped me learn our city. I ended up really not making much money after my weekly car payment of $300 so needless to say i was kind of disappointed.
Uber finally got back to me with a cleared background check a couple weeks ago. Finally! So i have been working doing that now, driving. Money is better but still I’m not making shit. With no money coming in on my part and my mom and brother struggling as well, our rent still isn’t figures out. Watching them slowly moving all there things out, and wondering what the fuck im going to do is waying on me like a ton of bricks.
Kids are with there dad , because this isn’t something children need to worry about. Right? I’m thinking im doing the right thing here. But, then i get the guilt trip from there dad. Like I’m such a horrible mother because i haven’t seen them in a few days because im busy working, and trying to figure out where to go what to do. Slowly breaking down, stressed out of my mind not something i want my kids to see anyways. Being strong and sticking to what i believe is the right thing ( leaving my husband) is getting hard. Especially when he’s in my ear, how if i just go back to him everything will be better. Yeah maybe financially but not for my heart not for my soul and not for my happiness. I think all those things are pretty important.
I don’t even know if what im doing is right anymore. Getting threw the day is hard, and keeping my smile on my face is even harder. I knew this would be a difficult road, but i never imagined how difficult it would be. How many tears i would cry, or how many times the Thought of giving up on life would crossed my mind. One day at a time at this point. Hoping each new day something will happen to make my life worth living.